THE LORD OF THE THINGS by [your name here] Make your own selections from the pull-down boxes

In a hole in the ground there lived

whose name was Tom Thumbadil. One fine day, Tom received a visit from a strange Wizard whose name was

"What do you want?" asked Tom, looking the Wizard up and down.
"I'm here on some very important business", replied the Wizard, sitting himself down in Tom's favourite armchair. "Here, take this". He flipped a at Tom.
"What's this?" asked Tom curiously
"Why, it's the One Thing, of course", replied the Wizard impatiently. "We must destroy it before it destroys the world".
"And how are we supposed to do that?" asked Tom, turning the Thing over in his hands.
"The only way it can be destroyed is by throwing it down the toilet", said the Wizard, standing up and hitting his head on the ceiling.
"Well, I can do that right now", said Tom angrily. He headed off towards the bathroom.
"No, no, you don't understand", said the Wizard. "It can't be thrown down any old toilet. It has to be the one in the Tower of Red-Eye's Ruin in the evil land of the john used by the Dark Lord himself".
He took a deep breath and paused. "Come, we must leave right now", he added, dragging a protesting Tom with him.

Before they had gone far, a hideous Beast jumped out from behind a bush.
"Greetings", it said, pawing the ground. "My name is

and I am here to help you".
Tom looked at the Beast dubiously but the Wizard flashed him a warning glance.

The three of them travelled through some menacing-looking countryside filled with

until they eventually came to the fair land of Tweetie Pie's Hollow, which was ruled over by the noble Lord "I have bad news for you", he said as soon as they arrived. "The evil sorcerer from Eyes'n'Mouth has betrayed us. We can no longer count on his support".
"Don't worry about him", said the Beast. "My army of marching will deal with him. They relish the prospect of tearing him limb from limb and eating him for Sunday lunch".

The party remained in Tweetie Pie's Hollow for three days before resuming their journey.
"We have to find a way through the Unmentionable Mines", announced the Wizard.
"Why are they called Unmentionable?" asked Tom.
"Because they are", snapped the Wizard irritably.

As they made their way through the Unmentionable Mines, they encountered a huge and terrifying fire monster.
"YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" bellowed the Wizard at the top of his voice. The monster responded by

before sloping off.

Safely through the Mines at last, the Wizard declared that they were about to embark upon the final stage of their journey.
"The Dark Land lies yonder", he said, gesturing with his staff in the direction of a desolate and gloomy landscape. "If we hurry we shall reach there before nightfall".

"But first of all you must come with me".
A mysterious woman with long golden hair had appeared before them. She focussed her eyes on Tom and said, "My name is

and I want you to look in my Mirror".
She led Tom over to a small pond nestling in the rocks.
"There ... what do you see?" she asked.
Tom leaned tentatively over the pool. "I see nothing but he replied, looking up with a puzzled look on his face.
"Ha! That is a good sign", said the woman, looking pleased. "Continue on your journey, brave travellers, the end is near".
And she silently withdrew into the trees.
What a weird lot of people, thought Tom, glancing tentatively around him.

"Come along now, no time to waste", commanded the Wizard, picking up his pace. Tom and the Beast trotted along behind. At last, after many wearisome miles, they came to the Tower of Red-Eye's Ruin. The Wizard lost no time in walking right up to the front door and rapping on it with his staff.
"What do you want?" enquired a deep menacing voice from within.
"We have urgent business with the Dark Lord", replied the Wizard firmly.

Much to Tom's surprise the door opened immediately. A

with an oversized head led them up a dark, winding staircase into a shabby waiting room.
"Terrible taste in wallpaper", commented the Beast, running one of its claws over it in disgust.
"Be alert, both of you", said the Wizard, straining his ears. "I believe our only chance to the destroy the One Thing is nearly upon us. If we fail, the world is doomed".
Tom looked unhappy. He thought longingly of his cosy home in the ground, not to mention the takings his Cafe would lose whilst he was away.

"There ... I hear it!" hissed the Wizard
"Hear what?" asked Tom, frowning.
"The sound of a toilet flushing!" said the Wizard in an even louder hiss. "Tom, this is your chance to be a hero. Go flush the Thing!"
He pushed Tom out of the door. Tom, straining his eyes in the gloom, looked all around him for a door with a "Gents" sign on it. Fingering the Thing in his pocket, he made his way tentatively along the corridor, following the sound of the hissing cistern.

Just as he arrived at what he believed was the correct door, he tucked the Thing behind his ear for safekeeping and then discovered he had become invisible. Ha, he thought to himself, I'm not sure I want to give this Thing up, just think of what I could do if I could be invisible whenever I wanted. I could

Tom made up his mind what to do in a trice but before he did that he knew he could not go any further without a visit to the bathroom. How convenient, he thought, remembering the original purpose of his mission. He was about to push open the door when he was suddenly attacked from behind by an unknown assailant.
"Filthy little thief! What's it got behind its ear? It stole the Thing, it stole my Preciousssssssss!" hissed the creature, grappling with Tom over the toilet bowl.

Again and again Tom ducked and dived to avoid the creature's sticky, grasping hands. Finally, however, the creature began to get the better of him and Tom realised that it was trying to force his head down the toilet.
"No!" he wailed, desperately trying to wrench himself free. "You don't understand! You can't ..."

Tom didn't get a chance to finish his sentence. Before he had a chance to stop it, the Thing fell from behind his ear and vanished down the U-bend taking with it Tom's most treasured possession, his

"No! No!" screamed the creature, jumping up and down in a fit of anger. "We can't live without our Preciousssssss! We're going to find it!"
And with that he dived head first into the toilet bowl and was never seen or heard of again.

"Well done", said the Wizard, as Tom went back to rejoin his companions.
"Great stuff", agreed the Beast, thumping Tom on the back with its hoof.
Tom stood there sullenly.
"Come, cheer up", said the Wizard in a jovial tone. "All the lights have come on again. This is a time for celebration. Tom Thumbadil, you will be honoured throughout the whole of Soggy-earth! From now on you will be known as The Lord of the Things!"

THE END

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