WOT, NO OSCARS?
(February 2004)

He looks carefree enough as he gallops around in the luxury of his sumptuous green paddock, but how is he really feeling?  Widely tipped to be nominated for the Best Supporting Actor gong in the forthcoming Academy Awards, how is Filo, the horse who played Shadowfax in the hit LOTR film trilogy, coping with the disappointment of not being included in this most elite of lists?  He has already received accolades from a whole host of film critics, not to mention awards from film institutes around the world. 

“I’m not disappointed at all”, he insists, munching on a succulent patch of grass.  “Acting in these movies has been a pleasure and a privilege for me and that alone is all the reward I seek”. 

Brave words from the horse who, according to some, was the real hero of LOTR.  There are others, however, who think his brave face is nothing but a mask for his bitter disappointment. 

“He’s absolutely gutted”, said a source from close to the stallion who refused to be named.  “Filo gave his all for this role.  It’s the role he dreamed of playing ever since he was a young foal.  He gave the performance of a lifetime in playing Shadowfax yet the Academy seem not to have noticed.  It sucks”. 

There was further criticism from the woman who runs the net’s largest unofficial website dedicated to Filo and his acting career. 

“I’m amazed, I’m truly amazed”, she said, “That such a truly brave, generous and gifted individual can be overlooked in this way.  I’m devastated, I just can’t believe it.  There’s no greater role model for young horses anywhere, I have horses of my own and when they were young I always told them to be like Filo.  I can think of no-one who sets a better example”. 

“I’m a little surprised that none of the cast received nominations for their acting”, confessed handsome Filo, his attention momentarily diverted as he caught sight of his glossy reflection in the window of a passing lorry.  “Everyone worked hard on this movie and all the cast deserve to be recognised for their contribution.  We worked together as a team and that’s what counts.  I’ve never bonded with anyone like I bonded with my fellow castmates.  And in any event, I have other things going on in my life so not getting an Oscar nomination isn’t the end of the world for me.  To tell you the truth, I’m more disappointed about being left off the cast commentaries”.  

In the meantime, it seems that Filo’s lack of a nod from the Academy is not the only animal-related story buzzing around the film industry.  It has recently emerged that other animals who starred in the hit trilogy are not at all happy with the treatment they received at the hands of the director and his staff.  Manda Lifeboat, a freelance journalist, is believed to have obtained an interview with an up and coming young actor named Thumper, who played one of the rabbits caught by Gollum in The Two Towers.  You won’t have heard of him, but that’s because his name wasn’t included in the credits.  This is just one of the things that’s making him mad.  Ms. Lifeboat was seen earlier today leaving the offices of the National Enquirer, with whom she’s believed to have secured a six-figure deal for the publication of her exclusive interview with the angry buck-rabbit. 

“This story is going rock the movie industry”, she told an assembled throng of reporters.  “I can’t say too much now, but you just wouldn’t believe what poor Thumper had to say about the way he was treated.  Can you imagine how bad he feels about being left off the credits?  He’s just starting out in his acting career and he needs all the publicity he can get.  He was handed about as much as respect as a glove puppet.  It’s scandalous”. 

It is now being suggested that when Thumper attempted to air his grievances with Peter Jackson, who directed the movie, he was simply told to go away.  Unconfirmed reports say that when Thumper was trying to speak to Jackson, the famous director was drilling a spyhole in the roof of Liv Tyler’s trailer so he could watch her undressing. 

Whatever the outcome of the Oscar ceremony next week, it seems likely that the furore surrounding the Lord of the Rings animal stars is not going to go away anytime soon.  Will we one day see Filo’s hoofprint along Hollywood Boulevard?  I guess we’ll just have to wait to find out. 

In the meantime, do you have experience of working with an animal actor who hasn’t been given his due?  Or are you, perhaps, an animal who has starred in a movie but not been given as much attention as your human co-stars?  Whatever your story, we want to hear it. 

annonnymous@shithappens.co.uk

Disclaimer:  None of this is true.  It is nothing more than a product of my sense of humour.  But you knew that anyway, right?  Special thanks to Justin A. Minute.   

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